I have driven my weak constitution and devoted myself, for these 30 years, to spend my own studying life and writing work. And I think I have contributed to the academic world to some extent.
I think that is a memorial service (which is an offering to the souls). The service is for my son who had died soon after his birth and for the hundreds of thousands of people who also died at Hiroshima and Nagasaki.
In Buddhism word there is "Substitute-Being-suffered (Daijyuku)1". This means "to receive sufferings instead of someone". They had died in the spirit that they endure sufferings instead of me. I survived in spirit of "Daijyuku": I lived to intend to "leave something for humankinds". I lived so.
1) Daijyuku: it means to receive sufferings instead of someone. Buddhism's words.)