I delivered in the ruins of a fire. All survivors were women, while all men who would be pleased at my baby's birth had died. I couldn't celebrate it.
The midwife didn't come in time, so I could do nothing and left my baby as he was for about one hour after delivery. I thought I should be pleased at the birth of my first born son. Because my husband and all the other rest of my family had died, I was quite at a loss whether I should be glad or sad. I didn't know how I could apologize to my newborn baby.